2010

2009passed...
now is 2010...
heeheee
k ,..wanna slp ..kinda tired ..
continue 2moro..night ^^

ok..hmm..my sibling~^^

K..i have two cute n nice siblings in church ..

heehee

1st of all..

the most beautiful n nice sis eva~

who izit??

TADA!!

Lim xiau wei ...^^

cute ler..

hah..

k...

another 1..

my bro..^^

he kinda fierce abit ..

but helps me alot de..

who izit??

heehee..

JOEL ~~

i'm nt dare 2 write his full name

nanti dia marah ..

haha

They are cute siblings eva~~both of them help me allots ~very thank you ~~~~

放手！！

*放手*
不是你的就得放的拉...
放了会很开心
会很放松
可是
为什么我做不到？！？！
使我个人问题
还是外来影响？
我到底是什么回事啊？！
为什么我会放不到手？
是我无能还是我不要？
我真的不能~每晚都想着
难道放这么难？！？！
有一种害怕的感觉在我的心中
觉得我会有很多让我很难受的
会是什么呢？
酸的感觉？痛的感觉？
我不知道
我觉得自己好像在一个没有人的房间里
觉得很虚空
我做的一切，对我自己，有用吗？
我哪里可以找到答案阿？
我这么做，对我自己，有帮助？还是弄得我更伤？
那个每天都笑，甚至还傻笑的纡萱去了哪里？？
唉~放阿！！
很难啊~
谁可以帮我？？
我只能靠上帝给的力量
我几时才可以恢复阿？
原来掉入陷阱需要很长的时间而且需要力量才可以上回来
那，我还有多高才可以出回来呢？
时间可以冲淡一切？
那么，哪个时间又要多久阿？？
1 个月？1 年？
我不知道
希望可以很快
我相信，有上帝，有文薇的帮助，应该会很快吧？
一切交给上帝....

WTH!?!!?!?

DAMN!!!
Lim Thiam You read all my post ...
my Gor gor read my post - -
cham lo ..
if he tell ppl ..i ma cham1!?!?!
gek sei me!!!

寻找回以前的我

最近，纡萱变得很失落了。。
有时候觉得自己很像两个人。。
在外面是一个人，在家一个人。。
昨天和文薇聊天。。我几乎要哭这样。。
很想哭出来。。可是我不想让人担心和看到我伤心的一面。。
我觉得自己不再像以前的纡萱。。
不再像以前那么喜乐。。
在教堂，一直笑。。或许这叫，把伤感化为快乐，但。。都是虚空的。。
在教堂，我一直找园丰，添佑。。因为他们可以让我开心。。
他们虽然说废话，可是能够让我暂时忘记伤心。。
一双可靠的耳朵是我现在需要的礼物。。
或许这一切，我是在伤害我自己。。
我不想再这么的痛苦。。
可是，我做不到。。
我试了很多次。。
做不到就是做不到。。。
我应该怎样。。
他不知道。。
我也不想他知道。。
我更加不会让她知道~
因为她很假。。
我很难再相信她了。。
我不想再这样下去。。
我一切都交托给上帝的圣手当中。。
一切都让上帝带领我把~
纡萱阿纡萱~不要这样了拉！！！
以前的纡萱在那里阿？！？！！？

haizzzz

我不想让他知道。。
我不那么辛苦。。
可是有别的方法？
我放不下。。
我很痛苦。。
需要一个人的耳朵和纸巾。。
我很想哭。。
可是我想找一个我真正信任的人。。
那就是文薇。。
可是文薇，这几天很迟上网也很早下网。。
所以找不到人了。。
慧慧少on9..Joel简直没有on9..Daniel,最近很少。。。
所以找一个真正可以诉苦的人。。真的只有几个。。
我很想跟人聊。。
可是每个都很忙。。
况且，每个人都有自己要做的东西。。那里会理我呢？？
算了。。对我家的乌龟不是更好~~
T.T

You are so fake!!

I'm getting sad..
n very imnormal...
i dunno how..
i dunno how 2 face both of you~
very thank you 2 a fren who call wen wei ..
thank you for her ears..^^
wtv...
i dunwan 2 know more things abt her...
she's sooo fake~

suan liao

another peaceful day for me...
yesterday very happy n fun^^ahaha
n...
I can play drum 1!muhahaha..i mean very basic n simple de..
but of coz la..learn from the easiest ma..haha
2day tng wei nt goin 2 church..
dunno wil he go or nt??
I wan go HUI HUI 's house a!!
but y no ppl accompany me de!!!
suan liao lo ..
u all dunwan go thn i dunwan lo...

so sourT.T

K..
finished my drama troupe sketch ..
2day ..when i saw them..i felt so sour also ..
n ..i dunno y ..i scoled her ..
i reli angry....
haizz...
yu xuan a yuxuan!!
this is the second day...
feel so suffer also...
but ...wad 2 do ??
ard said..cant let down ..
thn...how jiek??
haizz..
suan le...
kip pretend ba..
but...i scare i'll sot one day ...

u dunno !!!

i feel like the frenship btwn us...
will break sumday ...
i scare....
hope u dunno.................

smile is so fake!!

k..now is 2350...
actually,i miss him..
k..2day,i very de fake..
know y ??
at church i pretend ntg happen ..
but thn..when i home..
i feel like the thing i did 2day is so useless n stupid...
i tot tat i pretend ntg happen can makes me recover from my pain..
but the end..i juz knew tat is makes me more hurt n pain ...
if i kip pretendin ntg happen n juz laughin ...
i think ..1 day i'll be sot !!n ..i'll cry !!
but i reli dunno how!
let go ??dun let go ??still an question for me...
very difficult 2 let go ...
2day all ppl so cute..
exspecially JOel..dunno y ..she..ahem ahem..he..reli looks like a girl..
so cute la..><
many ppl look so handsome wif the "crown"
k..2day i juz go n find Andrew a...Jia Xi a...Joel a...Daniel a...but no him ...
coz i dunwan 2 tok wif him..
but thn ..he come n find me..
n i reli pretend ntg happen ..
tok 2gather...play 2gather...
but when i see them...
i feel very sour..n very pain...
haizzz..
very hard 2 describe the feelin ..
on dna's car..i think wad did i do the whole day...
the conclusion is:i was duin sumting tat hurt myself n useless...
i reli wad can i do after 2day ...
2moro kip pretending ntg happen??
i reli looks like have 3 ppl live inside me..
1 is a very real,happy YuXuan
1 is a very sad n kip cryin YuXuan
laz 1 is a very fake ppl...a very fake smile..everything is fake!!Fake Yuxuan..
i feel like wanna cry now..
i dunno y ..suddenlly ...i scare go 2 church ..
i'm nt scare of God or wad..
I love God!!
but ..i scare 2 see him ...n see her..
i dunwan 2 see him...i dunwan feel tat pain ...
so painful!!
will i let down ??
or...will i pretend ntg happen??
will i tel him??
i dunno ..
but i reli nid a pair of ears..
i pair of gud ears...
i wanna say..i wanna cry ..but i dunwan let ppl now..
everything kip in the heart makes me so suffer...
this condition makes me so so so sad...
i reli dunwan 2 cry..but y tears kip flowing from my eyes??
i dunwan dream anything tat is horrible...
i wan slp..but every night..i mean midnight..
i'll wake up n cant slp...
or maybe sumdays..cant even slp..
n ..2day ..i din have my lunch n dinner..
from morning till now..
i juz ate 1 hotdog n "wen tou xue"..
1st time...a ppl makes me have such a big changes...
make me so imnormal..
makes me so sot !!
makes me so fake!
makes me cant concentrate anythig!!!!
2moro ...i'll kip smilling...
but the smile..nt from my bottom ofmy heart.......

YOu are my all in all!!!I love You,LORD!!^^

k..laz night cried le...
cried for 2 hours..

1st time..

dunno y ..

very hard ...

haiz...but i nid 2 try..

thx Joel...

n thank you niko n nate...

sry 2 those who worried me...

sry ...

now better..

but dunno how will 2nite b??

will i laugh 2nite??or juz kip quite??or juz pretend ntg happen..kip laughing?

i think i cant do it ..
but sumbody told me tat .."if u think u can ,u can "..

Miss heng's quote...

am i a very weak person??

ya..

*BUT!!!!!!!!!!*

You are my strength when i am weak..

You are the treasure that i seek ...

You are my all in all..

Seeking You as a precious jewel ...

Lord, to give up i'd be a fool..

You are my all in all..

Taking my sin,my cross,my shame ..

rising again i bless Your name..

You are my all in all..

When i fall down You pick me out...

when i am dry Your fill my cup..

You are my all in all..

Jesus~~Lamb of God..

Worthy is Your name!!!

ya...Jesus saves me....

He washed away my sin...

He loves me!!!!

i know He always be with me!!

Thank You ,LORD^^

T.T ..i cried

finally...
I cried...
on my bed...
pretend ntg happen..
but i cried...
chattin wif dna...but pretend din cry..
everything tat i guess r all true..
dunno how le...
cry cant solve pro.....
dunno ..dunwan!!
haiz...
i dunno how will 2moro b??
yu xuan cried the second time in 2009...
oh no....again T.T
tears kip droppin from my eyes...
i dunno how 2 stop...
T.T

i wan sumbody's ears..T.T

K...Dunno y ..
when i knew tat thing ..
i feel like everyday ..i mean everytime..when i see him..i'll focus abt him...
n alwayz find a chance 2 tok wif him..
i reli dunno y ...
i scare...i scare i loz 1 fren...
a good .great,nice fren ...
i reli scare...
i keep renouncing ...
i reli dunno wad i'm tinking n wad is my feelin!!
i dunno !!!
haizz...
now,i'm sufferin..
i dunno wad can i do n wad can i think..
now,i juz know tat thing i can do is pretend ntg happen....
try nt 2 think n try nt 2 tok...
keep away from him...
T.T

i'll miss my church frens^^

OH NO!!
alomoz two months din post anythin here...
actually,i wanna poz sumting abt the camp...my church camp..
but i've no time..
2moro ..i'm goin 2 china..
but dunno y..this time...i feel like i nt reli wanna go there..
i prefer staying in Malaysia wif my church frens...
n i hope i can prepairin the christmas sketch n dance...
2moro i'll go ...i reli will misss them very very very very MUCH!!
n Rae 2day need 2 go 2 hospital...i faith in GOD...she muz have gud news !!^^
i'm at my mom's ofc...ltr i'll go 2 Pahang 2 fetch my grandparents..
hey FRENS~I'll Missssssss you !!!
k..nx time i wanna write abt the krk Lawatan and the church camp~haha!
bye^^