k..now is 2350...
actually,i miss him..
k..2day,i very de fake..
know y ??
at church i pretend ntg happen ..
but thn..when i home..
i feel like the thing i did 2day is so useless n stupid...
i tot tat i pretend ntg happen can makes me recover from my pain..
but the end..i juz knew tat is makes me more hurt n pain ...
if i kip pretendin ntg happen n juz laughin ...
i think ..1 day i'll be sot !!n ..i'll cry !!
but i reli dunno how!
let go ??dun let go ??still an question for me...
very difficult 2 let go ...
2day all ppl so cute..
exspecially JOel..dunno y ..she..ahem ahem..he..reli looks like a girl..
so cute la..><
many ppl look so handsome wif the "crown"
k..2day i juz go n find Andrew a...Jia Xi a...Joel a...Daniel a...but no him ...
coz i dunwan 2 tok wif him..
but thn ..he come n find me..
n i reli pretend ntg happen ..
tok 2gather...play 2gather...
but when i see them...
i feel very sour..n very pain...
haizzz..
very hard 2 describe the feelin ..
on dna's car..i think wad did i do the whole day...
the conclusion is:i was duin sumting tat hurt myself n useless...
i reli wad can i do after 2day ...
2moro kip pretending ntg happen??
i reli looks like have 3 ppl live inside me..
1 is a very real,happy YuXuan
1 is a very sad n kip cryin YuXuan
laz 1 is a very fake ppl...a very fake smile..everything is fake!!Fake Yuxuan..
i feel like wanna cry now..
i dunno y ..suddenlly ...i scare go 2 church ..
i'm nt scare of God or wad..
I love God!!
but ..i scare 2 see him ...n see her..
i dunwan 2 see him...i dunwan feel tat pain ...
so painful!!
will i let down ??
or...will i pretend ntg happen??
will i tel him??
i dunno ..
but i reli nid a pair of ears..
i pair of gud ears...
i wanna say..i wanna cry ..but i dunwan let ppl now..
everything kip in the heart makes me so suffer...
this condition makes me so so so sad...
i reli dunwan 2 cry..but y tears kip flowing from my eyes??
i dunwan dream anything tat is horrible...
i wan slp..but every night..i mean midnight..
i'll wake up n cant slp...
or maybe sumdays..cant even slp..
n ..2day ..i din have my lunch n dinner..
from morning till now..
i juz ate 1 hotdog n "wen tou xue"..
1st time...a ppl makes me have such a big changes...
make me so imnormal..
makes me so sot !!
makes me so fake!
makes me cant concentrate anythig!!!!
2moro ...i'll kip smilling...
but the smile..nt from my bottom ofmy heart.......
